The Debate Rages On

You, the people, overwhelmingly voted that the next blog post you wanted to read was "The Crunchy vs. Smooth Nutella Debate." ("Really?" I asked then, and I ask again. "Really, people? Has it really come to this?") Just call me Barbara Eden (but please don't make me wear the harem pants): Your wish is my command!

Herewith, the Crunchy vs. Smooth Nutella Debate:

Perhaps you are imagining a pleasant dinner-table conversation gone awry when one person (let's say, me) casually mentions the obvious superiority of some object/political system/substance (let's say, the new Pet Shop Boys CD/democracy/crunchy Nutella) over all other objects/political systems/substances, because, well, clearly... But then the other person (let's say, the Mister) snaps his head around and gets all "Whoa whoa whoa, hold the phone, oh no you didn't" and the original person is all "Local girl just saying" and the totally misguided person is all, "I concede the new Pet Shop Boys CD issue because I know I will never convince you of the superiority of my complaint-rock faves Oasis, and I'll let the democracy issue pass even though dictatorships tend to have more fashionable military uniforms, but...crunchy Nutella over smooth? You've obviously gone around the bend!"

And then it escalates.

The first person says something to the effect of, "I can't believe that you of all people -- you who complain so bitterly when I accidentally pick up non-chunky peanut butter at the grocery store -- would suddenly side with smooth!" To which the second person says, "Dude, you are such a liar. You NEVER go to the grocery store!" To which the first person says, "Hey, now. Let's not exaggerate. I went that once. But you still haven't explained why you're suddenly hopping into bed with a creamy sandwich spread and forsaking your previously stated love for the crunchy variety!"

The second person draws in a deep breath and replies, coolly, "Listen, you can be a traitor all you want to the old school genuine goodness of original smooth Nutella, but don't expect me to hop on your crunchy little knockoff bandwagon."

The first person never before considered that her adoption of a newly discovered crunchy variety of the popular European chocolate hazelnut spread (labeled and distributed by World Market and sold for about half the price of "real" Nutella) could be viewed as anything less than culinary adventurousness made even more admirable through bargain hunting prowess. This accusation of betrayal was a shock for which she was not prepared.

"Oh baby, I hate it when we fight!" she cried.

"Me too, darling. Let's never speak of this again."

And lo. It was never spoken of again.

Until you people demanded a blog post about it. Great. Thanks a lot. If I'm relegated to the couch tonight, you'll definitely be hearing about it on another blog post, about 5 months from now.


Traci said...

I think the answer is to make a sandwich of crunchy peanut butter with smooth nutella on top.

Jean said...

I didn't know such a thing as crunchy Nutella existed! So it has actual hazelnut bits? This sounds fascinating!